My creative non-fiction journey started about a year ago. I
received my first job out of college because I had done a few internships and I
made some connections. No one lies when they say networking is key. I started
working 40 hours a week in New York City and I was still pulling double shifts
on Saturdays and Sundays at a restaurant I have been working at since I was 17.
I was tired, unmotivated, and unhappy. I started writing.
At first it was simple little scenes and dialogue. Soon
after it became a way to cope with a horrible break up I had gone through. I
spent 6 years with the wrong guy and it was hard to overcome at first. Writing
became my therapy. I majored in journalism because my dad told me that an
English degree would get me nowhere. I just knew I wanted to write. Writing
articles and sitting in boring town meetings at city hall brought me no joy.
But writing short stories did.
I wrote at first as fiction. Stories that happened to me but
I wanted to distance myself from or stories that I wish would happen to me. I
wrote all of these stories during any down time I had at work. They are all
still saved in a folder on my desktop. I told my best friend about my writing
and she told me to look at a website called Thought Catalog. I started to send
them my stories. At first it was liberating to see my stories published on a
public website and see my byline. I became obsessed with reading other writers’
work on the site and we would comment back and forth on each other’s stories.
Then I started to notice that slowly the site was becoming more like Buzzfeed.
The lists and stories, which used to be good pieces of writing, were now
idiotic and juvenile. The grammar and spelling errors were horrible and it
seemed that the editors were allowing anything to pass through the submission
process. I stopped writing because I didn’t want to be a part of it. My profile
is still active and I kept all of my stories posted. I had lost my source of
inspiration and the writing stopped. Months went by and I realized that I
wanted to start writing again but I didn’t have a purpose.
I decided to call my college roommate, she always had great
advice. I told her how I was in a rut at work and I just needed something to
motivate me. She told me that she felt the same way and that she decided to go
back to school. I thought about the idea and I started researching schools and
programs. Within a week I had signed up for the GRE, filled out my application
and talked to my boss about extra time that I needed to get to school. I just
had to wait for my acceptance letter.
Writing the essays for our blogs at first was daunting. I
had so many ideas buzzing around in my head but I was trying to figure out that
what I considered a good idea was actually something people would want to read.
That was the hardest part.
After my first essay was written I was on a roll. I had
written about my family, which was difficult because I didn’t want them to be
judged. I took careful care to describe my family as accurately as possible.
The Grand Canyon trip had happened only a few weeks before I wrote this piece
so it was easier to remember key details.
After having the first conference with Dr. Chandler I felt
more confident about the assignment and what changes needed to be made. I knew
I had to write more about myself in the piece but I did want it to focus on my
family dynamic, so I kept it mainly at that.
After writing about my family I knew I needed to dig deeper
and write about myself. The writing exercise in class was a surprise. I didn’t
realize that I wanted to write about my tattoo but then I did. The scene just
felt right. It is now one of my favorite stories that I wrote this semester. I
decided to read it at the reading because not only is my tattoo a part of me
but my defect is a huge part of my life. I think there are certain things in
life that define us as who we are. My foot and tattoo define me.
The short pieces are what really brought out my creativity.
I asked myself, how can I tell a compelling story but still engage the reader
so they understand what is going on? I knew I needed a topic that was easy and
to the point. That is where I came up with “Birthday Wish.” This story came to
me in the car on my way home from class one night. We had just read “The
Accident” and “Fallout.” Those stories really gave me a sense of what a short
story should be. I had to pull over into a Target parking lot because I needed
to jot down some notes I had floating around in my head. After getting my ideas
down on paper I wrote the whole story on my laptop the second I got home.
After writing my first short essay I felt a huge weight
lifted off of my shoulders. I guess I can now say that my mother was on my
“Will Not Write About List.” That one sentence in my story that talked about
how she was a drunk and she left my family that was all I needed to open the
floodgates. Also the encouraging comments I received from my fellow classmates
really helped me to feel confident with telling my darker stories.
My final essay for this class is one I have wanted to write
my whole life. I will be honest; the exact details of that night are foggy. I
was about 8 or 9 when this happened so it has been over 10 years since this
incident and I was worried about accuracy while writing this. But I felt that I
had remembered enough and that this was a story I had to tell. My mom leaving
my family when I was 11 had such a huge impact on my life. I believe that it
had a major part in shaping who I am today. These are the stories I want to
write. I want to find myself through my writing and in a way define who I am
based on experiences I had in the past.
After writing the essay I contemplated not posting it. I was
highly aware that this story might not be right to tell. I actually hadn’t told
anyone this story, ever. My younger brother who was there that night doesn’t
even know the story. Because it took me years to sort out what happened that
night I didn’t understand it for a while and then I did. I sent the story
through email to my two closest friends. I had them read it and give me their
feedback. I was worried that I would be viewed as a victim or pathetic and that
wasn’t what I wanted. After they encouraged me to keep the story I decided I
was proud of it.
This class has given me the confidence to write the stories
that I feel need to be told. Creative Non-fiction is now a genre I feel
comfortable writing and reading. I understand it better and it is a great
source for my creativity. We all put the past behind us and move on with the
present into the future but I believe that we wouldn’t be who we are in the
future without the past. I’m not saying that you should always bring up your
past but if you ever have questions there is nothing wrong with digging back
into your memories and trying to figure out what happened. That is what
creative non-fiction is to me. Reliving something and finding a meaning to it.
I am hoping to continue my writing after this class. I have
always wanted to write a novel. It’s been my goal to be a writer and I took
this class to better my writing skills. Now that I have a better understanding
of Creative Non-fiction I believe that I will write more. I was thinking of
submitting my final short story to Brevity. I also wanted to elaborate on my
stories from my childhood. I think I have many more stories to tell and I can
use them for something in the future.
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